A Bit of a Rant

Well I'm about as big as I was two years ago, when I last updated!

To cut a long story short; the diet was fine but it really aggravated my silent gallstones (not so silent now), so basically I can't do it.

Then I discovered I had intolerances to wheat, egg white and cow's milk. These didn't stop me from doing the diet per se but it shifted my priorities a bit.

Then I found out that coeliac disease runs in my family, so I've had all the tests for that (still waiting for final confirmation but the results of my biopsy seem to have been mislaid...). I actually now do not think I have coeliac disease, which is a blessing, but I am convinced of the wheat, egg and milk protein problems.

The pain I was experiencing was mostly down to duodenitis (now diagnosed) which has been aggravated possibly by the wheat/dairy intolerances, but certainly due to the stress of being at university and approaching the big 4-0. And while we are talking stress, I have also been diagnosed as suffering from depression.

All these things have been huge hurdles the last couple of years, so it is difficult to put weight loss at the top of the list. Ultimately they are not excuses for lack of continuation or success, but you cannot argue, they are hurdles!

I've probably said before, that obesity (and certainly in my case) is an ADDICTION. Physically and psychologically. The same as narcotics, caffeine, nicotine, alcohol.... whatever. A human being can survive perfectly healthy without ever putting these things in their bodies. And yet all of them are addictions that are notoriously hard to overcome. Food, on the other hand, is something that we would DIE without. Die painfully too.

Our culture is swamped with food and eating. For me, there are several 'dealers' on any high street or main road. 24-7! There are television channels devoted to my 'drug'. Books, magazines, commercials, billboards. Social events, must-haves, smells, temptation, rebellion.

Why must fat people be persecuted for their addiction?

Anyway. This is not intended to be a soapbox blog, although I do have one for that!

When I started on the diet treadmill, I was 18 and I weighed 13 stone. I am now 40 and I weigh almost 21 stone. In 22 years of on-off dieting I have GAINED 8 stone. I've done just about all the diets out there. If they worked I wouldn't be 8 stone heavier than when I started (and I've lost a bit!).

It's not enough to say "consume more than you use". Theoretically it is that simple, but when you add real life and psychology....! I don't smoke (I used to 'social-smoke' until about 10 years ago), I've never taken drugs (okay, a few spliffs a few years back, but they give me the munchies so I stopped), I rarely drink (I don't like feeling drunk these days). I do drink caffeine now and again, on average about 3 times a fortnight, usually nothing. I worked out that these things were not good for me. So I stopped. Very, very easily. No problem at all. I just decided I didn't want to do them any more (or I just wanted to on rare occasions), and I've never over-indulged since. EVER.

Yet I know so many people who drink waaaaaaay too much, way too often. All but one of the smokers I know wants to pack it in and have usually tried several times. I know several people who cannot function if they go for so long without a caffeine kick. And drugs, well, I know some who only beat it by overdosing and killing themselves.

What makes a fat person struggling to lose weight so bad when you weigh it up (pun unintended) with other addicts?

I am not making these as excuses, as I could still lose weight knowing these things. And believe me, after 22 years, I know the difference!

With another year of university ahead of me, and concerns about what will happen after, and still struggling with depression and health problems, dieting is not top of my list. Losing weight will help a lot though, I realise this, so I've decided not to calorie count or do fad diets for the time being. I think I will still list my food intake here and general thoughts as it will be therapeutic.

For now I'm enoying making stews/casseroles and salads, but eating the 'naughty' things when I want. I'm not overdoing it (I think) and I often resist temptation. As I've said, I've lost a little bit, slowly, and my aim is to lose 1lb a week. And if I don't I'm not going to pressure myself.

I have enough of that already.