T Minus Two Days

I went to see my GP today to get him to sign the "consent" form that LL want before I can begin the programme. It's a bit short notice for me but my LL counseller said that as long as I give her a photocopy tomorrow (as well as posting the original), we should be okay.

Since the initial meeting a couple of weeks ago I have been mentally preparing myself for this. I am aware that it is going to be a difficult change, especially for the first couple of weeks. I haven't gone mad eating food but every time I eat something I particularly like, I kind of say goodbye to it, at least for the next year, maybe forever. I am ready and raring to go.

I went to the GP today as when I went a couple of weeks or so ago, he told me that my BP was a bit on the high side - 145 over 100. Although people tell me it wasn't particularly high it is obviously enough to concern anyone. Already convinced by Lighter Life, this sealed the deal.

I was expecting the BP to come down when I went back today, but, no, it's actually gone up to 149/106, which was a bit of a shock. He has given me a subscription for Alenolol, which I am dubious about, as I'm never keen on taking tablets. Then the speech came about weight loss... I just don't know where to begin moaning about that! This GP is new to the surgery and he's an idiot. He doesn't even look at you when he speaks to you, doesn't listen and mumbles when he talks. Obviously he's not used to intelligent women...

I interrupted him and gave him the LL leaflet (for GPs) and asked him to tick the boxes on the form (to say that I don't have heart trouble, no transference of medical responsibility) and explained to him what the diet was about, that I had researched it on the net and spoken to the company and counsellors but he was having none of it. He flatly refused and said that he couldn't recommend it.

I am having a bit of a PMS day, so mood swings are abound - I didn't realise it then. I managed to convince him to fill in the form but then he wouldn't give it to me unless I gave him £20. Of course he still didn't believe in it, he just figured he'd make £20. Arsehole.

I just told him that I am out of work and cannot afford it - all he had to do apart from sign was to tick a couple of boxes, questions that he needed to ask me anyway, and take my BP, which he'd just done. He was trying to get me to take some Xenicol, and I refused. I had asked for it before from another GP who was not keen on letting me have it, and once with prescription in hand had a little look around the net and was stunned by the side effects. It's simply not worth it, it would make me afraid to eat anything. My mind is already fucked with food without encouraging me to be afraid to eat it!

I wanted to act more upset than I was (although I was very disappointed) but the tears came and, embarrassed, I ran out of his office, ignoring him call after me. What was the point?

The receptionists stopped me andI told them what had happened. They were so nice and they said they'd speak to the main GP and see if she'd let me have it cheaper. I thanked them and left.

It turns out that after seeing the next person he went out to reception and told them I could have it for free and that he hadn't intended to upset me. I'm miserable for the rest of the day really, but that is a huge relief and I can finally start this thing.

First meeting is tomorrow, so I will update afterwards....

T Minus Seven Days

Okay.

This blog will be..... my journey to losing 150lbs. That's a lot of weight. That's a whole person really. A whole overweight person.

I've done just about every diet the last half of my life (I'm 36 now). You name it. Been there, done that. I could pass a degree in nutrition.

But as I've said. I'm 36, the little beginning signs of wear are beginning to set in. The aching knees, the short breath, the slightly high blood pressure.

I graduated the University of Weightloss in that I recognise that DIETS DO NOT WORK. A healthy lifestyle does.

However, the diet I will be embarking on in 7 days time - Sunday 2 October 2005 has to be the one that works. It's a drastic diet. It's one with shakes and bars and soups. I know I have an eating disorder. I know what foods are good and which are bad for me. I just need good solid action now. ABSTINENCE.

I'm cynical by nature, so I've researched this diet, "Lighter Life" as much as I can. I've seen nobody slag it off or not be successful - except those who did not stick at it. Well, I will learn by their mistakes then.

I know this will be hard, particularly in the beginning, but I want to share it with anyone interested. If no-one's interested, that's fine, then it's a personal record for me. Something to keep me going when the times are difficult, and something to make me feel buoyant when things are going well.

I will be back to update after my first class on Saturday 1 October 2005. The 2 hour meetings are supposed to focus on why we have eating problems and how we, as individuals will deal with that, and to find and provide a support system for fellow members. A bit more about this next week....

This week I am clearing out the food that I won't be eating, the challenge being to leave stuff for my other half, who is not overweight (much). I'm saying goodbye to Krispy Kreme, lazy days, Ben and Jerry's, creme cheese, chocolate mousse by having a final fling with them all.