End of Day Two

Woke up with enormous headache. I can't tell if it's because it's the first few detox days, using the PC for too long (and playing games) without the specs that I should be using when on it, or hormone headaches.

Whatever, I'd gone to bed slightly earlier than normal last night, woke up about 6.30am with my head banging. Consequently, I didn't get up until around midday... and took a Nurofen Liquid. The headache is still there, albeit thinly masked by the painkiller and I've been a bit dizzy and not quite with it all day. Knowing that I'm marching, one day at a time, towards being a healthy person, and that it will all settle in a few days keeps me resolute.

I waited about half an hour before going for the raspberry shake. I was dreading it a bit, but I figured it must be quite similar to strawberry, which it was. I felt kind of satisfied after drinking less than half of it (I made about a pint) and realised that I must be getting used to the hunger.

It seems to come in waves. One minute I am ravenous, the next fine. You have to have it within 15 minutes of making it otherwise some of the nutrients die out so I just slowly sipped it and finished it within about ten. I am recognising moments when I would normally eat - triggers.

Times of the day are the most difficult, but not as bad as I expected. I had to go out around 6pm, the usual time my stomach would be crying out, so just before I left I had the mushroom soup. Like yesterday I added loads of pepper and a bit of Tabasco to make it a bit more interesting but it was certainly palatable and satisfied me enough to keep me going.

I needed to go to Tesco to pick up some bits and I thought this might pose a big challenge. I am really looking at this abstinence as just that. "I don't do food anymore", I thought to myself. I must be anorexic then.... I looked at the food as something different - as if I was buying a packet of cigarettes for someone (I don't smoke). No urge, no relationship. I made sure to get more Nurofen and some Migraine Kool'n'Soothe strips. I've only used them once before (on a real migraine a few weeks ago) and it worked really well - I recommend them! I really could have used one today, although it didn't feel like a migraine. They're non-medicinal so they are fine. I got some Canderel tablets (one to carry in my bag and one for home) and a big bag of ground arabica beans, as I think I'll have a nice coffee in the mornings before or after my shake.

Whilst I was there I took the time to weigh myself - only because that's where I used to weigh myself. There I was 20st exactly (280lb), so it looks like that 09 from Saturday was .9 rather than 9lbs.... maybe. I was just curious.

I took a bottle of water with me to my evening class and managed the 500ml in the 2 hours I was there. I haven't met my 4l amount today - maybe 2.5 at best. 2 pints of water and that bottle, whatever that makes (I'll have another half pint before I go to bed).

I had my last "meal" of the day when I got back around 9.15pm, this time I had the vanilla shake. I'd been dreading this one too as my counsellor misunderstood my list and rather than give me 2 of each flavour plus another choc shake, she gave me one choc shake and an extra vanilla shake and thai soup. I liquidized it up with lots of ice and to be honest, it was quite nice! With the ice it reminded me of ice cream that had thawed a bit, then re-frozen, then thawed again. Apart from the health issue. Basically it was very nice!!

I've decided to have a shake (and coffee!) for breakfast each day, and either a soup or shake for lunch and dinner. I'll start having bars on Wednesday, so I'll either have one of them for breakfast or if I know I'm going to be out.

So, in summary.... day two has gone better than day one for hunger. I'm just as hungry but getting used to it. The water helps. Somehow the shakes and soups are kind of filling. I suppose as my stomach shrinks, I'll get fuller quicker. Murderous headaches but fortunately I can try and sleep them off and have stocked up on anti-headache bits. Feeling dizzy and I might have a cold coming on. Could be dust allergy and I don't know if I can take the pills for that yet (I probably can, but I will wait till my stop-in on Wednesday and ask the counsellor). I am certainly going to the loo more (number ones).

I have a pile of soups and a pile of shakes to choose from but I decided to take even that out of the equation and collated them into one pile, mixing up the packs - only making sure that I have a shake for breakfast. It's not hard and fast, if I fancy a different flavour, I'll have it, obviously. I can just swap a bar in when I fancy that instead (unlikely I'll get them often I think; I can imagine I'll wolf them down quicker than a drink/soup).

Tomorrow I am meeting my boyfriend's sister. She knows I'm doing this and we are going to be out and not eating. We will pop round her house so that "he" can pick me up, and I'm taking a shake and a soup with me and have whichever one is more convenient (hopefully the soup, as I've more of them!).