It's been a while since I've posted, but not because I've given up. It's been a mixture of reasons - too busy, disillusioned (?).... I'm not sure disillusioned is right really though. I know I've wanted to say a bit so I've been holding it off.
During my first week of Add A Meal I got terrible pains in my kidneys and stomach, really chronic, within a couple of hours of eating. I was eating the right foods but as I was on my, "Hungry Week", and my first week of real food, I figured I'd have the portions I wanted. So I put it down to that. The first day of Sole Source (being back on the diet) saw no problems in that department.
However, since then I've struggled to stay back in SS and my weekly average loss has petered out a bit. With birthdays and Christmas coming up, I relaxed a bit, but wouldn't let myself off the hook totally. I kept to either 2 or 3 foodpacks a day and the odd pick. To my detriment I think I could've maybe lost nearly another stone by now, but I won't give myself a hard time about that. I'm in this condition because I have food issues, it's going to take a while for me to relearn. The fact that eating real food can (but doesn't always) affect me with physical pain is a harsh, but quite a good policeman!
The last time I got weighed - just over a week ago, I stayed the same - but I was fine with that, I was so sure I had put on, it was just depressing!
I haven't been weighed yet this week; obviously with Christmas I let loose a bit, mainly over Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Prior to that I was practically crippled with the stomach/back pains, I called the doctor out twice - although I did cancel when Ranitidine (antacids?) was recommended and did the trick for the most part. I had the back pain all through Christmas, but it was at a tolerable level.
Then.... I either got food poisoning or a stomach bug that started overnight after Boxing Day and anything that passes my lips passes out the other end quite soon after. I'll spare you the details! I am a bit dehydrated but I spoke to the GP on the phone this morning and she recommended NO drinking water (shame bcos I'm thirsty!), but sipping the vile Diarolyte. I managed a few small sips before the one hour limit ran out so I had to throw it away. I had a slice of dry toast an hour ago, and until I started typing this sentence thought I was fine, but my stomach's cramping a bit now.
Depressing.
I suppose at least this will help me back onto Sole Source next week; I had started out quite well back on it on Tuesday, but obviously decided it was pointless after my toilet problems lasted more than a few hours! Hopefully it'll be good news on the scales next week too then! Not that I'd like to go through this every time I want to get rid of the results of indulging! But it would be nice if I got some pay-off!!
I'll let you know next week!
PS Thank you to the people who've posted on here, I do appreciate it, and please let me know how you're doing!
PPS Have managed to lose 4.5" all over this month. People are - slowly - beginning to notice - hooray!
Thursday 29 December 2005
Monday 28 November 2005
Missed A Week Posting!
I was so pissed off with my 2lb loss last week, after a good week, that I was too pissed off to post. Dumb really because this is supposed to be a record of my downs as well as my ups, so I promise to try and never do that again.
Last week was my first Add A Meal week, which is basically 2 or 3 mealpacks a day plus 3oz of either chicken/white fish/quorn/soya/cottage cheese and 2tbsp of certain watery veg.
I was also on my Hungry Week (which is what I call that PMS time when anything that stops moving gets eaten!). So I decided to be easy on myself, eat what I wanted (as long as it was the right food - and for the most part I did - but just had the portions I wanted - which was about 2-3 times more than I should have! I confess I did have a bit of chocolate and a bit of cheese today - a few mouthfuls over the week of egg mayonaise. I'm just polishing off a very large mint-flavoured Bailey's (come on, it's limited edition, I had to!) before going back on Sole Source (just packs) tomorrow and for the next 4 weeks.
Actually I'm relieved to be getting back to SS. I've been having chronic pains in my back and stomach, which some people have hinted might be gallstones, and is apparently common in bigger women, especially those losing weight quickly like myself. I'm hoping it isn't, but, I trust my intuition, and it tells me that something is definitely wrong. I spoke to the on-call emergency GP last night, who told me it sounded like gastritis, where the stomach is preparing acid around 3 times a day in expectation of a meal, but why would this happen after 7 weeks? I still toy with the idea that it might be that my portions have been too big, or that my body's in shock by seeing real food again. Either way, the GP said I shouldn't give up Cambridge, and encouraged me to go on, which was nice to hear.
I hope I go back to SS all right. Theoretically I should, as I really wanted to about 3 days ago. I'll see in a few days if the pains cease (meat can take up to 5 days to leave your body, did you know that?!). Hopefully I'll be eating again on either Christmas Day or Boxing Day - both which are a day or two before my diet week restarts, but hey. Maybe I'll do Add A Meal a week early. Whatever. I hope I won't be on Hungry Week because my loss should be good then.
As it is now, check out my tracker, I've lost 39lb now in 7 weeks - that's 3lb off 3 stone, I should be very proud of myself! I am! I've gone down 3 dress sizes in 2 months and my health has improved.
BTW special mention to Jenny, who left me a kind message after my last post. I'll return the favour! :o)
Tuesday 15 November 2005
Normal Week, Normal Loss
No complaints.
A 4lb loss this week, which by Cambridge standard is normal, but for anyone else losing weight is brilliant. So I'm not bowled over, but happy enough.
Besides, I've gone down another dress size (24).
I'm aiming for 5lb next week - which is slightly high really, but it will take me under 18st (to 17st 13lb). 2lb will give me the 2.5 stone off marker, but really I'd like to do better. Which will no doubt mean I lose either 3 or 4! Oh well, it's all in the right direction.
I plan to start exercising at SOME point this week, so that will make a difference in some way (it can be bad, to be honest!).
Okay. Well I've decided no more bars for me, and if I get any, no more than one. They're just too more-ish and I just don't trust myself.
That's all for this week.
A 4lb loss this week, which by Cambridge standard is normal, but for anyone else losing weight is brilliant. So I'm not bowled over, but happy enough.
Besides, I've gone down another dress size (24).
I'm aiming for 5lb next week - which is slightly high really, but it will take me under 18st (to 17st 13lb). 2lb will give me the 2.5 stone off marker, but really I'd like to do better. Which will no doubt mean I lose either 3 or 4! Oh well, it's all in the right direction.
I plan to start exercising at SOME point this week, so that will make a difference in some way (it can be bad, to be honest!).
Okay. Well I've decided no more bars for me, and if I get any, no more than one. They're just too more-ish and I just don't trust myself.
That's all for this week.
Monday 7 November 2005
Week 5 Done and WI Day Change
The last couple of weeks have been hard because they've been my first "hungry weeks" on VLCD.
But I didn't cave; I had an extra mealpack some days (an extra 2.5 one day!) and chose not to feel guilty about that. I didn't cave in to real food and that's the real triumph.
I've slipped into bad habits with the water, but that said, I haven't been counting the ice I put in the shakes or the odd coffee or Marigold (which I'm not meant to have, oh well, I haven't been out of ketosis anyway).
If I have one glass either side of a meal, treating it as part of the meal, that should go a long way to help.
Too tired to say too much more really. I got extra bars this week (dangerous!) and no soups as I've got loads spare. My C also isn't stocking the new tomato flavour and this is my weak attempt at a protest. But I can buy them from other counsellors anyway, so :oPPPPP
Okay 8lb this week (10 days), making a total of 2st 1lb!!!
But I didn't cave; I had an extra mealpack some days (an extra 2.5 one day!) and chose not to feel guilty about that. I didn't cave in to real food and that's the real triumph.
I've slipped into bad habits with the water, but that said, I haven't been counting the ice I put in the shakes or the odd coffee or Marigold (which I'm not meant to have, oh well, I haven't been out of ketosis anyway).
If I have one glass either side of a meal, treating it as part of the meal, that should go a long way to help.
Too tired to say too much more really. I got extra bars this week (dangerous!) and no soups as I've got loads spare. My C also isn't stocking the new tomato flavour and this is my weak attempt at a protest. But I can buy them from other counsellors anyway, so :oPPPPP
Okay 8lb this week (10 days), making a total of 2st 1lb!!!
Friday 28 October 2005
One Month Done
... I lost 3lb this week, so that's a total of 21lb.
I've only met my counsellor twice and I'm already kind of fed up with her. Not only does she spend 98% of the time talking about herself, and 1.5% about other clients, but she told me she expected me to have lost about 6lb this week. Geez, thanks a bundle. Make me feel great about myself, thanks.
I'm on what I call my "Hungry Week", it's the TOTM and I'm in that ravenous week. I had a couple of extra bars one night, was extremely pissed off with myself, but allowed myself to be consoled by the fact that I still ate food on the programme and not real food. I had an extra bar last night, and today - although she said if I feel like I need a fourth each day then that was fine. I've been fighting it anyway, and doing quite well at it, but there you go. On a journey of 1000 miles, you're going to stumble once or twice, but as long as you keep facing and moving forward, you'll get there. So I'll get there.
I haven't been drinking the water properly, and that I think is my issue. What else could it be?
Well, that's all to report for now.
I've only met my counsellor twice and I'm already kind of fed up with her. Not only does she spend 98% of the time talking about herself, and 1.5% about other clients, but she told me she expected me to have lost about 6lb this week. Geez, thanks a bundle. Make me feel great about myself, thanks.
I'm on what I call my "Hungry Week", it's the TOTM and I'm in that ravenous week. I had a couple of extra bars one night, was extremely pissed off with myself, but allowed myself to be consoled by the fact that I still ate food on the programme and not real food. I had an extra bar last night, and today - although she said if I feel like I need a fourth each day then that was fine. I've been fighting it anyway, and doing quite well at it, but there you go. On a journey of 1000 miles, you're going to stumble once or twice, but as long as you keep facing and moving forward, you'll get there. So I'll get there.
I haven't been drinking the water properly, and that I think is my issue. What else could it be?
Well, that's all to report for now.
Monday 24 October 2005
Vital Stats
(I can't believe I'm putting this on the net for everyone to see!)
Start (05/10/05):
B: 55" (139cm)
W: 51" (129cm)
H: 60" (152cm)
As of today (24/10/05)
B: 53.75" (136.5cm)
W: 48.75" (124cm)
H: 59" (150cm)
Wow! I didn't expect to see such a difference right away, but just to save you doing the maths, thats:
B: 1.25" (2.5cm)
W: 2.25" (5cm)
H: 1" (2cm)
Okay that's not extremely noticeable yet, but not bad for 3 weeks!! I've also noticed today that I've gone down 2 dress sizes, so I'm pulling out all my old clothes that I put away at the weekend!
Well done me!!
As for Cambridge Diet Day 2:
Breakfast: Half each of choc toffee malt and choc choc bars (very nice)
Lunch: Vegetable Soup - okay, had to add plenty of pepper and leave for a few minutes for the bits of carrot to plump out
Dinner: The rest of the bar halves (shouldn't have had 2 bars in one day....)
The good news is that the second set of bars were a bit of a binge - I'm reacting again to the water flavourings and I think that's what made me hungry. I managed to stave off having a choc mint shake by drinking some water and 4 espressos (not the best idea in the world; made me a bit dizzy but at least I didn't succumb!). So I'm proud that I got through that. It's been my hungriest day yet. Aren't I supposed to be handling it by now?
I'm going to by myself some ketostix asap, so that I can keep a check on my hydration, as I know that's a bit of a problem for me. Apparently some chemists aren't keen to let them go to non-diabetics...
I'm going to reward my stamina next week with a trip to the hairdressers for a cut and dye job. My next treat for sticking to it is going to be a lateral thigh trainer for Christmas. After that it's a weekend away for "boot camp" with other Cambridgers.... I'll look at February's treat when February comes! That's enough indulgence/incentive to be getting on with for now!
Also, at the end of November, I'm going up with my counsellor to Corby, where the Cambridge HQ and factory is, to have a look around - with a view to becoming a counsellor myself. Could be big bucks in that, very useful for university time!
Start (05/10/05):
B: 55" (139cm)
W: 51" (129cm)
H: 60" (152cm)
As of today (24/10/05)
B: 53.75" (136.5cm)
W: 48.75" (124cm)
H: 59" (150cm)
Wow! I didn't expect to see such a difference right away, but just to save you doing the maths, thats:
B: 1.25" (2.5cm)
W: 2.25" (5cm)
H: 1" (2cm)
Okay that's not extremely noticeable yet, but not bad for 3 weeks!! I've also noticed today that I've gone down 2 dress sizes, so I'm pulling out all my old clothes that I put away at the weekend!
Well done me!!
As for Cambridge Diet Day 2:
Breakfast: Half each of choc toffee malt and choc choc bars (very nice)
Lunch: Vegetable Soup - okay, had to add plenty of pepper and leave for a few minutes for the bits of carrot to plump out
Dinner: The rest of the bar halves (shouldn't have had 2 bars in one day....)
The good news is that the second set of bars were a bit of a binge - I'm reacting again to the water flavourings and I think that's what made me hungry. I managed to stave off having a choc mint shake by drinking some water and 4 espressos (not the best idea in the world; made me a bit dizzy but at least I didn't succumb!). So I'm proud that I got through that. It's been my hungriest day yet. Aren't I supposed to be handling it by now?
I'm going to by myself some ketostix asap, so that I can keep a check on my hydration, as I know that's a bit of a problem for me. Apparently some chemists aren't keen to let them go to non-diabetics...
I'm going to reward my stamina next week with a trip to the hairdressers for a cut and dye job. My next treat for sticking to it is going to be a lateral thigh trainer for Christmas. After that it's a weekend away for "boot camp" with other Cambridgers.... I'll look at February's treat when February comes! That's enough indulgence/incentive to be getting on with for now!
Also, at the end of November, I'm going up with my counsellor to Corby, where the Cambridge HQ and factory is, to have a look around - with a view to becoming a counsellor myself. Could be big bucks in that, very useful for university time!
Sunday 23 October 2005
Day One of Cambridge
Yep. Good!
I haven't felt too much pressure on the water drinking - as long as I drink 2l that's good. I'll try and do 3 though.
Had the Cappuccino shake for breakfast - very nice; it tasted like the LL vanilla pack when I made it with coffee.
Lunch was the Fruits of the Forest shake - it was okay, I think it could have been sweeter, but bearable.
Then dinner was the chocolate orange bar! OMG real chocolate!! It reminded me of a Fry's Chocolate Creme, only made with fudge. I feel like I had a real treat!
I've had the Summer Berry water flavouring today - the proper measure is too sweet for me, so I'm using half. It's still a little sweet so it's obviously going to go a long way!
They will have missed me at LL today, I haven't told my LL counsellor yet, but I was thinking of writing a letter. It's a little cowardly of me I suppose, but I want to make sure that I say everything I want to say, including putting across the sincerity that I'm really sorry but it was purely the price difference. As it goes, I've more reason to stick to Cambridge now, but that was the main reason.
I'm going to do my current measurements tomorrow and put them up here. I'm trying the Chocolate Mint shake tomorrow (with LL I used the Chocolate pack and made it up with cold peppermint tea) and the soups (vegetable and chicken'n'mushroom).
I can't wait to taste everything!
I haven't felt too much pressure on the water drinking - as long as I drink 2l that's good. I'll try and do 3 though.
Had the Cappuccino shake for breakfast - very nice; it tasted like the LL vanilla pack when I made it with coffee.
Lunch was the Fruits of the Forest shake - it was okay, I think it could have been sweeter, but bearable.
Then dinner was the chocolate orange bar! OMG real chocolate!! It reminded me of a Fry's Chocolate Creme, only made with fudge. I feel like I had a real treat!
I've had the Summer Berry water flavouring today - the proper measure is too sweet for me, so I'm using half. It's still a little sweet so it's obviously going to go a long way!
They will have missed me at LL today, I haven't told my LL counsellor yet, but I was thinking of writing a letter. It's a little cowardly of me I suppose, but I want to make sure that I say everything I want to say, including putting across the sincerity that I'm really sorry but it was purely the price difference. As it goes, I've more reason to stick to Cambridge now, but that was the main reason.
I'm going to do my current measurements tomorrow and put them up here. I'm trying the Chocolate Mint shake tomorrow (with LL I used the Chocolate pack and made it up with cold peppermint tea) and the soups (vegetable and chicken'n'mushroom).
I can't wait to taste everything!
Saturday 22 October 2005
"End" of Week Three
I decided to go for it and start with Cambridge. Which I'll do. I haven't told my LL counsellor yet.
I feel pretty bad because I have no complaint about her or the sessions, it's purely a ££ issue, and there it is. Already I am £15 in pocket because I've bought Cambridge products - and they all look/sound quite yummy!
I've really struggled with the water - so much so I've stayed up all night trying to get 4l in. Today and yesterday I didn't get to bed until 10am!!
Not many differences except that C is a lot more flexible. It's one-2-one therapy, and if I can't make it I'll do it another day - and she'll see people up to 11.30pm! I can have a fourth foodpack a day if I need it, basically it's something to fall back on if you get desperate - better than caving in to real food!
In 4 weeks' time (or maybe 2) I'll be able to have a meal a day, 5 days a week. It's a very light meal, but wow!! It's a bit scary but at the same time I was worrying about getting scared to eat food....
I only have to drink 2l of water, and the water used for coffee/tea is included - phew! Much better!
There's twice the amount of shakes and bars available, and a tetra pack with a shake made up already. That's good! I was able to buy a couple of other bits because I want to try everything but have a couple of bars to hand just in case I'm going to be out of the house for hours.
And that's it - I'm set to go!
Oh yeah, I lost a 2lb this week! Not fantastic, but I shouldn't complain...
Wish me luck!
I feel pretty bad because I have no complaint about her or the sessions, it's purely a ££ issue, and there it is. Already I am £15 in pocket because I've bought Cambridge products - and they all look/sound quite yummy!
I've really struggled with the water - so much so I've stayed up all night trying to get 4l in. Today and yesterday I didn't get to bed until 10am!!
Not many differences except that C is a lot more flexible. It's one-2-one therapy, and if I can't make it I'll do it another day - and she'll see people up to 11.30pm! I can have a fourth foodpack a day if I need it, basically it's something to fall back on if you get desperate - better than caving in to real food!
In 4 weeks' time (or maybe 2) I'll be able to have a meal a day, 5 days a week. It's a very light meal, but wow!! It's a bit scary but at the same time I was worrying about getting scared to eat food....
I only have to drink 2l of water, and the water used for coffee/tea is included - phew! Much better!
There's twice the amount of shakes and bars available, and a tetra pack with a shake made up already. That's good! I was able to buy a couple of other bits because I want to try everything but have a couple of bars to hand just in case I'm going to be out of the house for hours.
And that's it - I'm set to go!
Oh yeah, I lost a 2lb this week! Not fantastic, but I shouldn't complain...
Wish me luck!
Tuesday 18 October 2005
Two Weeks In...
I lost another 4lb this week.
Which I'm not complaining about - I mean, 16lb in a fortnight is fantastic! But had I drunk my 4 litres every day, I reckon I could have dropped another 2lb on top of that. Oh well. I only have myself to blame!
I had a couple of days last week when I was out of the house, and although I took water with me I didn't drink enough of it. There was one day I didn't even drink 1 litre! I was on a night shoot; however I was really proud of myself that I didn't succumb to even a crumb of all the food that the caterers always put on. I notched up what I would have had if I wasn't abstaining, and....
3 Cadbury's mini-rolls
1pc fruit cake
2 small cups Diet Coke
1pc pizza (small)
some kind of veggie pasta
salad
fruit crumble (that looked really nice!)
a couple of bacon rolls
So whilst I didn't drink the water, I resisted temptation, and on the good side, I didn't have to queue for food - just took my thermal mug over to the coffee/tea table, filled up, stirred with a fork, and Bob's yer uncle!
A few people were interested in what I was doing, one of them kept trying to tell me that a portion of fruit crumble was not going to hurt - really trying to convince me! Sabotage is everywhere - however well meant!
Seriously though, I have to make a big effort with the water now - it isn't flushing out the ketones so that new ones can be "made" - hence less weight loss, but more importantly it can dry up the organs and be quite dangerous!
Last week the St Clement's water flavouring was really helping, but unfortunately, my counsellor and I suspect that I'm having a toiletry reaction to it, so I've got to stop using it. There's chance that I'm slightly lactose intolerant too, so I'm going to ask the doc if I can be tested for that, because otherwise the shakes are going to be a problem - boo!! But when I switch to Cambridge, they've got shakes for that, so if I get fed up with it I'll have those in stock.
Finally this week, a friend of my sister's started the same day as me but gave up after a couple of days and has given me the rest of her foodpacks - something like 14 of them. Which was very kind indeed, except I don't know what to do with them. I get 21 a week as part of my payment, I only need 21 a week, so I need to think. They're all soups, so I suppose at least I've got more choice and not regretting the fact that I only have shakes left by Thursday lunchtime (actually it's usually the other way round though....).
I thought about selling them on eBay, but apparently that is really frowned upon, I'm not sure whether to sell them back to the counsellor otherwise she'll ask questions..... hmm.... decisions....
Which I'm not complaining about - I mean, 16lb in a fortnight is fantastic! But had I drunk my 4 litres every day, I reckon I could have dropped another 2lb on top of that. Oh well. I only have myself to blame!
I had a couple of days last week when I was out of the house, and although I took water with me I didn't drink enough of it. There was one day I didn't even drink 1 litre! I was on a night shoot; however I was really proud of myself that I didn't succumb to even a crumb of all the food that the caterers always put on. I notched up what I would have had if I wasn't abstaining, and....
3 Cadbury's mini-rolls
1pc fruit cake
2 small cups Diet Coke
1pc pizza (small)
some kind of veggie pasta
salad
fruit crumble (that looked really nice!)
a couple of bacon rolls
So whilst I didn't drink the water, I resisted temptation, and on the good side, I didn't have to queue for food - just took my thermal mug over to the coffee/tea table, filled up, stirred with a fork, and Bob's yer uncle!
A few people were interested in what I was doing, one of them kept trying to tell me that a portion of fruit crumble was not going to hurt - really trying to convince me! Sabotage is everywhere - however well meant!
Seriously though, I have to make a big effort with the water now - it isn't flushing out the ketones so that new ones can be "made" - hence less weight loss, but more importantly it can dry up the organs and be quite dangerous!
Last week the St Clement's water flavouring was really helping, but unfortunately, my counsellor and I suspect that I'm having a toiletry reaction to it, so I've got to stop using it. There's chance that I'm slightly lactose intolerant too, so I'm going to ask the doc if I can be tested for that, because otherwise the shakes are going to be a problem - boo!! But when I switch to Cambridge, they've got shakes for that, so if I get fed up with it I'll have those in stock.
Finally this week, a friend of my sister's started the same day as me but gave up after a couple of days and has given me the rest of her foodpacks - something like 14 of them. Which was very kind indeed, except I don't know what to do with them. I get 21 a week as part of my payment, I only need 21 a week, so I need to think. They're all soups, so I suppose at least I've got more choice and not regretting the fact that I only have shakes left by Thursday lunchtime (actually it's usually the other way round though....).
I thought about selling them on eBay, but apparently that is really frowned upon, I'm not sure whether to sell them back to the counsellor otherwise she'll ask questions..... hmm.... decisions....
Monday 10 October 2005
Week One In The Can!
And TWELVE POUNDS lighter!
Well I finished Wk1 when going to bed on Saturday night.
Funny, I can't really remember ever eating conventional food! I've had cravings, real cravings, and for food I don't normally eat, but I recognise them as part of my addiction, and not because my body needs it.
The water intake has been quite difficult, but getting easier every day. From today I've been able to use the food flavourings they sell, and that's really helped. Makes it up to £9 more expensive each week though...
In addition to the meals you are allowed up to 2 of this savoury drink per day (they don't count as part of your water though, sadly!). For a week's supply (14) it's £6. Yikes. More money? Thanks to the Discovery Health forum I found out that Marigold Vegetable Bouillon is just the same. I checked the ingredients and the only difference is one thing and it's last on the list (and therefore the smallest in percentage) - lovage. It's around £1.50 a tub and looks like there's maybe a couple of week's worth if you have one tsp per cup!
We had a sample (well, I had two!) to take home and I thought it was quite nice. Funny that now I kind of see it as another meal or snack. A fortnight ago it would have been a poor excuse for gravy! It'll be good for difficult days - esp that time of the month when I just get ravenous!
I still can't believe how easy this is to do really!
The only bad news is that they are putting their prices up just after New Year (just in time for all those resolution-makers....). Already the more expensive of the VLCD's at £46.50 a week, it's going up to £62!
To cut a long story short, I've done lots of homework and will be switching over to the Cambridge Diet, as it's half that price! The only difference is that CD don't do the cognitive behavioural therapy. General consensus is divided, some people swear by it, some can live without it, some say it's patronising. I've decided to stick with it for the time being, but the change to Cambridge is certainly going to happen.
I'm not nervous about that, so I don't know what is stopping me really. Maybe it's because I'm so happy with LL that I'm worried that a change might upset it. What's the worst that could happen? I don't like it and go back to LL?!
Cambridge actually make the food that LL sells, except that they do more flavours of it. I think that's about all I need to know (mental note: find out what other flavours are!). Having said that I'm having trouble with the choices I've got! I quite like everything (not overkeen on the bars though).
In addition you can have black tea (any leaf type) or black coffee, and there's a savoury drink you can have twice a day too. Really that's enough.
But at the end of the day I want to switch to Cambridge because of the cost. That's the bottom line really.
Right. I may post again before next week, I've decided not to go to the pop-in this week as I'm coping fine (although the old number two's are starting to raise question!).
Hoping to lose at least 5lb this week and stretch the initial good loss out to a second week!
Well I finished Wk1 when going to bed on Saturday night.
Funny, I can't really remember ever eating conventional food! I've had cravings, real cravings, and for food I don't normally eat, but I recognise them as part of my addiction, and not because my body needs it.
The water intake has been quite difficult, but getting easier every day. From today I've been able to use the food flavourings they sell, and that's really helped. Makes it up to £9 more expensive each week though...
In addition to the meals you are allowed up to 2 of this savoury drink per day (they don't count as part of your water though, sadly!). For a week's supply (14) it's £6. Yikes. More money? Thanks to the Discovery Health forum I found out that Marigold Vegetable Bouillon is just the same. I checked the ingredients and the only difference is one thing and it's last on the list (and therefore the smallest in percentage) - lovage. It's around £1.50 a tub and looks like there's maybe a couple of week's worth if you have one tsp per cup!
We had a sample (well, I had two!) to take home and I thought it was quite nice. Funny that now I kind of see it as another meal or snack. A fortnight ago it would have been a poor excuse for gravy! It'll be good for difficult days - esp that time of the month when I just get ravenous!
I still can't believe how easy this is to do really!
The only bad news is that they are putting their prices up just after New Year (just in time for all those resolution-makers....). Already the more expensive of the VLCD's at £46.50 a week, it's going up to £62!
To cut a long story short, I've done lots of homework and will be switching over to the Cambridge Diet, as it's half that price! The only difference is that CD don't do the cognitive behavioural therapy. General consensus is divided, some people swear by it, some can live without it, some say it's patronising. I've decided to stick with it for the time being, but the change to Cambridge is certainly going to happen.
I'm not nervous about that, so I don't know what is stopping me really. Maybe it's because I'm so happy with LL that I'm worried that a change might upset it. What's the worst that could happen? I don't like it and go back to LL?!
Cambridge actually make the food that LL sells, except that they do more flavours of it. I think that's about all I need to know (mental note: find out what other flavours are!). Having said that I'm having trouble with the choices I've got! I quite like everything (not overkeen on the bars though).
In addition you can have black tea (any leaf type) or black coffee, and there's a savoury drink you can have twice a day too. Really that's enough.
But at the end of the day I want to switch to Cambridge because of the cost. That's the bottom line really.
Right. I may post again before next week, I've decided not to go to the pop-in this week as I'm coping fine (although the old number two's are starting to raise question!).
Hoping to lose at least 5lb this week and stretch the initial good loss out to a second week!
Friday 7 October 2005
Day Five
Mildly easier today but it didn't help that I discovered that there's a forum at Discovery Health with millions of tasty recipes using the foodpacks! Made me crave them something chronic!
But there's no going back so I'll just be patient and try one or two of them out next week.
Breakfast: Had the toffee bar - far superior to the fruit one, quite tasty!
Lunch: Thai soup. Would have killed for a wholemeal roll and Clover with it, but hey!
Dinner: Caramel shake. Inspired (and driven!) by the DH forum, I added some coffee (I forgot it wasn't chocolate). Not so good! :o)
Trying to only have coffee if desperate right now, and trying to beef up the water intake. For someone who loves water so much I'm finding it a little hard. At times I'm bored with it, but the biggest reason I'm not drinking more is basically discipline.
The lethargy I've had lately is definitely going; I'm not up to par yet but definitely a marked improvement!!
Tomorrow I'm having the raspberry shake, veg soup and half the lemon bar before work, and the rest after. I usually have choc peanuts and gallons of Diet Coke at work - they're in for a surprise! I haven't got plans during the day, so I'll just study and keep plugging on with the water - I'm aiming to have half a pint every half hour for eight hours - wish me luck!
But there's no going back so I'll just be patient and try one or two of them out next week.
Breakfast: Had the toffee bar - far superior to the fruit one, quite tasty!
Lunch: Thai soup. Would have killed for a wholemeal roll and Clover with it, but hey!
Dinner: Caramel shake. Inspired (and driven!) by the DH forum, I added some coffee (I forgot it wasn't chocolate). Not so good! :o)
Trying to only have coffee if desperate right now, and trying to beef up the water intake. For someone who loves water so much I'm finding it a little hard. At times I'm bored with it, but the biggest reason I'm not drinking more is basically discipline.
The lethargy I've had lately is definitely going; I'm not up to par yet but definitely a marked improvement!!
Tomorrow I'm having the raspberry shake, veg soup and half the lemon bar before work, and the rest after. I usually have choc peanuts and gallons of Diet Coke at work - they're in for a surprise! I haven't got plans during the day, so I'll just study and keep plugging on with the water - I'm aiming to have half a pint every half hour for eight hours - wish me luck!
Thursday 6 October 2005
Day Four and First Stop-In
Today I feel a lot better and have noticed an increase in alertness, energy and better sleep already. I didn't expect to feel it so soon. My skin, I am convinced now, is looking very clear indeed. Come to think of it, my nails are improving too!
Had a quiet day studying at home and the moment I realised I could have bars today I ran in the kitchen to try the fruit bar. It seems like so long ago!
It was pretty tasteless; I think you could just about detect a taste on the front of my tongue. It isn't a very big bar and weighs about an ounce. But the texture is quite chewy and dense, so it does last a while. Of course I forgot you can eat some now and some later... anyway, I had a coffee with that and then it dawned on me that I probably wouldn't eat for about another 8 hours - argh!
Today I've had quite strong cravings. Firstly wedding cake (of all things!), then fish and chips, with really thick, crispy batter, then a roast with chicken, roast potatoes, peas, carrots and gravy. Vivid!! I have a feeling it's the textures I'm missing now. It's made the hunger come back a bit today.
Lunchtime pack (at about 3pm), I had chicken soup as I have a bit of a cold and thought that even though it isn't real chicken (it's all 100% vegetarian) it might make me feel better.
I've struggled a little with the water today. Slight laziness.
As I was going to be at the stop-in and then seeing my dad after (he lives nearby), I thought I'd take another bar with me. The biggest one! The nut flapjack. I had half of it in the car on the way (probably a bad idea) and the rest on the way round the corner to my dad's!
My first impression was that Evil made a cake and it went badly wrong. It's tasteless, very dry and nasty. I guess the idea is to give your mouth something to chew on, but I wonder if it's made me want real food again. I won't get them next week. Actually I'll see how the other two bars are because I guess it'll be handy if I'm going to be out.
So, the Stop-In. Three of the other women were there and they were finding it similarly easy and had a varied reaction to the foodpacks. Whilst waiting to go in one of them said that she knew people who had done this "diet", and said that the soups could be made into crisps and the shakes into muffins. I'm not sure about that, but we'll see when she gets the recipes! Mind you, I'm thinking if we're not supposed to be on real food then it's probably a cheat and I don't want to cheat!
Then we had to wee on a stick (to check ketosis and hydration). I got told off for not drinking enough water. She said if I dehydrate it can damage the organs, and apart from that, if the ketones are not flushed out then the body will not produce more. Ketones are what fuels the fat-burning, therefore, more water, more weightloss. Message received and understood.
I was measured (don't know what they were) and weighed. Get this - EIGHT AND A HALF POUNDS!!! In just 3.5 days! I know that a lot of that is fluid (which the counsellor says will come back on at the end, thanks for the warning!), but still! I wonder what it will be like on Saturday....!
I have to admit, maybe I'm in shock, but although surprised I wasn't particularly pleased. I have no idea why. I can't fathom it. Whatever. Rationality over that, that 8.5lb is history. Goodbye.
Thing is, I've got two things going on. The lack of excitement over a great loss (I don't feel any smaller yet) and the fact that I'm very close to caving tonight (I won't!!!!!!). I think it's because I feel like I've done it. Sure there's another 140 or so pounds but that's me for you. Not staying the course. I feel like I took a test and passed. Tonight I am the closest to caving and I think it's because of this. So as soon as I've finished this, I'm off to bed!!
I probably won't update now until Saturday, unless I feel I need/ought to.
Had a quiet day studying at home and the moment I realised I could have bars today I ran in the kitchen to try the fruit bar. It seems like so long ago!
It was pretty tasteless; I think you could just about detect a taste on the front of my tongue. It isn't a very big bar and weighs about an ounce. But the texture is quite chewy and dense, so it does last a while. Of course I forgot you can eat some now and some later... anyway, I had a coffee with that and then it dawned on me that I probably wouldn't eat for about another 8 hours - argh!
Today I've had quite strong cravings. Firstly wedding cake (of all things!), then fish and chips, with really thick, crispy batter, then a roast with chicken, roast potatoes, peas, carrots and gravy. Vivid!! I have a feeling it's the textures I'm missing now. It's made the hunger come back a bit today.
Lunchtime pack (at about 3pm), I had chicken soup as I have a bit of a cold and thought that even though it isn't real chicken (it's all 100% vegetarian) it might make me feel better.
I've struggled a little with the water today. Slight laziness.
As I was going to be at the stop-in and then seeing my dad after (he lives nearby), I thought I'd take another bar with me. The biggest one! The nut flapjack. I had half of it in the car on the way (probably a bad idea) and the rest on the way round the corner to my dad's!
My first impression was that Evil made a cake and it went badly wrong. It's tasteless, very dry and nasty. I guess the idea is to give your mouth something to chew on, but I wonder if it's made me want real food again. I won't get them next week. Actually I'll see how the other two bars are because I guess it'll be handy if I'm going to be out.
So, the Stop-In. Three of the other women were there and they were finding it similarly easy and had a varied reaction to the foodpacks. Whilst waiting to go in one of them said that she knew people who had done this "diet", and said that the soups could be made into crisps and the shakes into muffins. I'm not sure about that, but we'll see when she gets the recipes! Mind you, I'm thinking if we're not supposed to be on real food then it's probably a cheat and I don't want to cheat!
Then we had to wee on a stick (to check ketosis and hydration). I got told off for not drinking enough water. She said if I dehydrate it can damage the organs, and apart from that, if the ketones are not flushed out then the body will not produce more. Ketones are what fuels the fat-burning, therefore, more water, more weightloss. Message received and understood.
I was measured (don't know what they were) and weighed. Get this - EIGHT AND A HALF POUNDS!!! In just 3.5 days! I know that a lot of that is fluid (which the counsellor says will come back on at the end, thanks for the warning!), but still! I wonder what it will be like on Saturday....!
I have to admit, maybe I'm in shock, but although surprised I wasn't particularly pleased. I have no idea why. I can't fathom it. Whatever. Rationality over that, that 8.5lb is history. Goodbye.
Thing is, I've got two things going on. The lack of excitement over a great loss (I don't feel any smaller yet) and the fact that I'm very close to caving tonight (I won't!!!!!!). I think it's because I feel like I've done it. Sure there's another 140 or so pounds but that's me for you. Not staying the course. I feel like I took a test and passed. Tonight I am the closest to caving and I think it's because of this. So as soon as I've finished this, I'm off to bed!!
I probably won't update now until Saturday, unless I feel I need/ought to.
Wednesday 5 October 2005
End of Day Three
Day Three has been a breeze compared to the last few days. I have to say I am proud with myself and my stamina! Doing my GCSE's last year, 20 years late, really has helped, because it taught me that by starting something, committing to it and sticking to it, despite all obstacles, that I can really achieve what I want. All I needed was determination.
I slept pretty well, in fact, now I think about it, I must have slept really well because I had a late night, got up early and haven't felt the effects of it! In fact I woke up feeling quite good!
Am used to the hunger now and can handle it like a trooper! I am led to believe that once I stop producing insulin in a few days time, the hunger pangs will stop.
I had the caramel shake for breakfast; it's my least favourite shake - there's not a lot of flavour in it, it's okay though. I had that at about 0930 and, realising that I would want something before going out to college at 6pm and coming back at about 9pm it meant a long time without anything.... I coped okay though, trying to distract myself and tried to drink the water. Around 3pm I figured I'd have some coffee; I never drink that much of it but when I do I like a nice cup of it - usually espresso with hot water added - an Americano. I have some expensive cups and saucers tucked away and I decided I'd use one of them. It was a Godsend! It was almost like having another liquid meal, so it felt like a real treat. I don't want to get too used to it, so I won't overdo it. I went to college without taking water with me and I've noticed today, like a film in my mouth. Nothing horrible, kind of like a dryness (not like thirst, just dry). That may be the beginnings of the acetone they warned about. It's not a problem. Just part of the process. It's good to know that my body is reacting predictably to the "regime".
My only issue at the moment is that I haven't drunk as much water today. I think I just about drank enough yesterday. I haven't kept a check on it but I'm sure it's less than 2 litres. I'll be up for about another 30 mins or so, so I'll gollop another bit. I worked out that all I need to do is drink 500ml or half a pint of water an hour (16 hours a day). Looking at it like that, it doesn't seem so bad! So, tomorrow, on the hour, every hour I will make sure I have a half-pint glass full and make sure it's diminished by the end of the hour!
Also tomorrow, I am allowed to have the bars. Looking at them they don't seem as substantial as the soups and particularly the shakes. But I'll be open-minded. Being the first solid food I've had since Saturday I will have to try hard to resist scarfing it down. At the moment I think I probably won't get food bars again, and just stick to the shakes and soups.
I had the chicken soup today; that was fine, I used a little less water in order to have it thicker - you are allowed to have it as thick or watery as you like. Once again I added the pepper and Tabasco - it will be a while before I'm bored with that. Although tailoring the soups to avoid boredom is going to be hard anyway.
From Sunday, I'll be able to have other drink flavourings to add to water, both hot and cold (I don't know if the hot drinks will contribute to the 4 litres, I'll have to find out).
I will be having my first Stop-in tomorrow (this is a shorter midweek catch-up with the counsellor to check all is as it should be). I need to ask about taking my antihistimines as I've really been suffering with it the last couple of days and don't want to risk anything by taking it. I'd rather suffer all that sneezing! I'll have my first Before picture taken, along with measurements.
I am a bit worried as I just noticed on my copy of the GP form that it said if my BP diastolic was above 90 I had to have another test 5 mins later. It was 106 and he didn't do it. I've been given high BP tablets, which I've admitted to, but not taken yet (naughty girl). I'm supposed to be giving blood on Thursday - I think it's unlikely they'll let me but I'll go along, at least to find out my BP.
I'm going to the GP again sometime next week for another BP check-up; this time I've asked to see the one there who I know to be sympathetic to my weight struggle and has attempted to help out constructively a couple of times before. He's not an angel but he's helpful enough and naturally keen to see me lose my tonnage. I'll honestly voice my concerns to him, give him the LL leaflet that they asked me to give them (the other GP gave it back), and ask what I need to do about this 4-weekly thing. I am expecting they will want paying so I will do whatever is the cheapest option available.
Worst case scenerio: I can get LL products at eBay and I will buy them there if I have to. I don't want to. It's cheaper but obviously there is no support. Uh, I don't know. Worrying too much. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it....
'Til tomorrow......
I slept pretty well, in fact, now I think about it, I must have slept really well because I had a late night, got up early and haven't felt the effects of it! In fact I woke up feeling quite good!
Am used to the hunger now and can handle it like a trooper! I am led to believe that once I stop producing insulin in a few days time, the hunger pangs will stop.
I had the caramel shake for breakfast; it's my least favourite shake - there's not a lot of flavour in it, it's okay though. I had that at about 0930 and, realising that I would want something before going out to college at 6pm and coming back at about 9pm it meant a long time without anything.... I coped okay though, trying to distract myself and tried to drink the water. Around 3pm I figured I'd have some coffee; I never drink that much of it but when I do I like a nice cup of it - usually espresso with hot water added - an Americano. I have some expensive cups and saucers tucked away and I decided I'd use one of them. It was a Godsend! It was almost like having another liquid meal, so it felt like a real treat. I don't want to get too used to it, so I won't overdo it. I went to college without taking water with me and I've noticed today, like a film in my mouth. Nothing horrible, kind of like a dryness (not like thirst, just dry). That may be the beginnings of the acetone they warned about. It's not a problem. Just part of the process. It's good to know that my body is reacting predictably to the "regime".
My only issue at the moment is that I haven't drunk as much water today. I think I just about drank enough yesterday. I haven't kept a check on it but I'm sure it's less than 2 litres. I'll be up for about another 30 mins or so, so I'll gollop another bit. I worked out that all I need to do is drink 500ml or half a pint of water an hour (16 hours a day). Looking at it like that, it doesn't seem so bad! So, tomorrow, on the hour, every hour I will make sure I have a half-pint glass full and make sure it's diminished by the end of the hour!
Also tomorrow, I am allowed to have the bars. Looking at them they don't seem as substantial as the soups and particularly the shakes. But I'll be open-minded. Being the first solid food I've had since Saturday I will have to try hard to resist scarfing it down. At the moment I think I probably won't get food bars again, and just stick to the shakes and soups.
I had the chicken soup today; that was fine, I used a little less water in order to have it thicker - you are allowed to have it as thick or watery as you like. Once again I added the pepper and Tabasco - it will be a while before I'm bored with that. Although tailoring the soups to avoid boredom is going to be hard anyway.
From Sunday, I'll be able to have other drink flavourings to add to water, both hot and cold (I don't know if the hot drinks will contribute to the 4 litres, I'll have to find out).
I will be having my first Stop-in tomorrow (this is a shorter midweek catch-up with the counsellor to check all is as it should be). I need to ask about taking my antihistimines as I've really been suffering with it the last couple of days and don't want to risk anything by taking it. I'd rather suffer all that sneezing! I'll have my first Before picture taken, along with measurements.
I am a bit worried as I just noticed on my copy of the GP form that it said if my BP diastolic was above 90 I had to have another test 5 mins later. It was 106 and he didn't do it. I've been given high BP tablets, which I've admitted to, but not taken yet (naughty girl). I'm supposed to be giving blood on Thursday - I think it's unlikely they'll let me but I'll go along, at least to find out my BP.
I'm going to the GP again sometime next week for another BP check-up; this time I've asked to see the one there who I know to be sympathetic to my weight struggle and has attempted to help out constructively a couple of times before. He's not an angel but he's helpful enough and naturally keen to see me lose my tonnage. I'll honestly voice my concerns to him, give him the LL leaflet that they asked me to give them (the other GP gave it back), and ask what I need to do about this 4-weekly thing. I am expecting they will want paying so I will do whatever is the cheapest option available.
Worst case scenerio: I can get LL products at eBay and I will buy them there if I have to. I don't want to. It's cheaper but obviously there is no support. Uh, I don't know. Worrying too much. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it....
'Til tomorrow......
Tuesday 4 October 2005
End of Day Two
Woke up with enormous headache. I can't tell if it's because it's the first few detox days, using the PC for too long (and playing games) without the specs that I should be using when on it, or hormone headaches.
Whatever, I'd gone to bed slightly earlier than normal last night, woke up about 6.30am with my head banging. Consequently, I didn't get up until around midday... and took a Nurofen Liquid. The headache is still there, albeit thinly masked by the painkiller and I've been a bit dizzy and not quite with it all day. Knowing that I'm marching, one day at a time, towards being a healthy person, and that it will all settle in a few days keeps me resolute.
I waited about half an hour before going for the raspberry shake. I was dreading it a bit, but I figured it must be quite similar to strawberry, which it was. I felt kind of satisfied after drinking less than half of it (I made about a pint) and realised that I must be getting used to the hunger.
It seems to come in waves. One minute I am ravenous, the next fine. You have to have it within 15 minutes of making it otherwise some of the nutrients die out so I just slowly sipped it and finished it within about ten. I am recognising moments when I would normally eat - triggers.
Times of the day are the most difficult, but not as bad as I expected. I had to go out around 6pm, the usual time my stomach would be crying out, so just before I left I had the mushroom soup. Like yesterday I added loads of pepper and a bit of Tabasco to make it a bit more interesting but it was certainly palatable and satisfied me enough to keep me going.
I needed to go to Tesco to pick up some bits and I thought this might pose a big challenge. I am really looking at this abstinence as just that. "I don't do food anymore", I thought to myself. I must be anorexic then.... I looked at the food as something different - as if I was buying a packet of cigarettes for someone (I don't smoke). No urge, no relationship. I made sure to get more Nurofen and some Migraine Kool'n'Soothe strips. I've only used them once before (on a real migraine a few weeks ago) and it worked really well - I recommend them! I really could have used one today, although it didn't feel like a migraine. They're non-medicinal so they are fine. I got some Canderel tablets (one to carry in my bag and one for home) and a big bag of ground arabica beans, as I think I'll have a nice coffee in the mornings before or after my shake.
Whilst I was there I took the time to weigh myself - only because that's where I used to weigh myself. There I was 20st exactly (280lb), so it looks like that 09 from Saturday was .9 rather than 9lbs.... maybe. I was just curious.
I took a bottle of water with me to my evening class and managed the 500ml in the 2 hours I was there. I haven't met my 4l amount today - maybe 2.5 at best. 2 pints of water and that bottle, whatever that makes (I'll have another half pint before I go to bed).
I had my last "meal" of the day when I got back around 9.15pm, this time I had the vanilla shake. I'd been dreading this one too as my counsellor misunderstood my list and rather than give me 2 of each flavour plus another choc shake, she gave me one choc shake and an extra vanilla shake and thai soup. I liquidized it up with lots of ice and to be honest, it was quite nice! With the ice it reminded me of ice cream that had thawed a bit, then re-frozen, then thawed again. Apart from the health issue. Basically it was very nice!!
I've decided to have a shake (and coffee!) for breakfast each day, and either a soup or shake for lunch and dinner. I'll start having bars on Wednesday, so I'll either have one of them for breakfast or if I know I'm going to be out.
So, in summary.... day two has gone better than day one for hunger. I'm just as hungry but getting used to it. The water helps. Somehow the shakes and soups are kind of filling. I suppose as my stomach shrinks, I'll get fuller quicker. Murderous headaches but fortunately I can try and sleep them off and have stocked up on anti-headache bits. Feeling dizzy and I might have a cold coming on. Could be dust allergy and I don't know if I can take the pills for that yet (I probably can, but I will wait till my stop-in on Wednesday and ask the counsellor). I am certainly going to the loo more (number ones).
I have a pile of soups and a pile of shakes to choose from but I decided to take even that out of the equation and collated them into one pile, mixing up the packs - only making sure that I have a shake for breakfast. It's not hard and fast, if I fancy a different flavour, I'll have it, obviously. I can just swap a bar in when I fancy that instead (unlikely I'll get them often I think; I can imagine I'll wolf them down quicker than a drink/soup).
Tomorrow I am meeting my boyfriend's sister. She knows I'm doing this and we are going to be out and not eating. We will pop round her house so that "he" can pick me up, and I'm taking a shake and a soup with me and have whichever one is more convenient (hopefully the soup, as I've more of them!).
Whatever, I'd gone to bed slightly earlier than normal last night, woke up about 6.30am with my head banging. Consequently, I didn't get up until around midday... and took a Nurofen Liquid. The headache is still there, albeit thinly masked by the painkiller and I've been a bit dizzy and not quite with it all day. Knowing that I'm marching, one day at a time, towards being a healthy person, and that it will all settle in a few days keeps me resolute.
I waited about half an hour before going for the raspberry shake. I was dreading it a bit, but I figured it must be quite similar to strawberry, which it was. I felt kind of satisfied after drinking less than half of it (I made about a pint) and realised that I must be getting used to the hunger.
It seems to come in waves. One minute I am ravenous, the next fine. You have to have it within 15 minutes of making it otherwise some of the nutrients die out so I just slowly sipped it and finished it within about ten. I am recognising moments when I would normally eat - triggers.
Times of the day are the most difficult, but not as bad as I expected. I had to go out around 6pm, the usual time my stomach would be crying out, so just before I left I had the mushroom soup. Like yesterday I added loads of pepper and a bit of Tabasco to make it a bit more interesting but it was certainly palatable and satisfied me enough to keep me going.
I needed to go to Tesco to pick up some bits and I thought this might pose a big challenge. I am really looking at this abstinence as just that. "I don't do food anymore", I thought to myself. I must be anorexic then.... I looked at the food as something different - as if I was buying a packet of cigarettes for someone (I don't smoke). No urge, no relationship. I made sure to get more Nurofen and some Migraine Kool'n'Soothe strips. I've only used them once before (on a real migraine a few weeks ago) and it worked really well - I recommend them! I really could have used one today, although it didn't feel like a migraine. They're non-medicinal so they are fine. I got some Canderel tablets (one to carry in my bag and one for home) and a big bag of ground arabica beans, as I think I'll have a nice coffee in the mornings before or after my shake.
Whilst I was there I took the time to weigh myself - only because that's where I used to weigh myself. There I was 20st exactly (280lb), so it looks like that 09 from Saturday was .9 rather than 9lbs.... maybe. I was just curious.
I took a bottle of water with me to my evening class and managed the 500ml in the 2 hours I was there. I haven't met my 4l amount today - maybe 2.5 at best. 2 pints of water and that bottle, whatever that makes (I'll have another half pint before I go to bed).
I had my last "meal" of the day when I got back around 9.15pm, this time I had the vanilla shake. I'd been dreading this one too as my counsellor misunderstood my list and rather than give me 2 of each flavour plus another choc shake, she gave me one choc shake and an extra vanilla shake and thai soup. I liquidized it up with lots of ice and to be honest, it was quite nice! With the ice it reminded me of ice cream that had thawed a bit, then re-frozen, then thawed again. Apart from the health issue. Basically it was very nice!!
I've decided to have a shake (and coffee!) for breakfast each day, and either a soup or shake for lunch and dinner. I'll start having bars on Wednesday, so I'll either have one of them for breakfast or if I know I'm going to be out.
So, in summary.... day two has gone better than day one for hunger. I'm just as hungry but getting used to it. The water helps. Somehow the shakes and soups are kind of filling. I suppose as my stomach shrinks, I'll get fuller quicker. Murderous headaches but fortunately I can try and sleep them off and have stocked up on anti-headache bits. Feeling dizzy and I might have a cold coming on. Could be dust allergy and I don't know if I can take the pills for that yet (I probably can, but I will wait till my stop-in on Wednesday and ask the counsellor). I am certainly going to the loo more (number ones).
I have a pile of soups and a pile of shakes to choose from but I decided to take even that out of the equation and collated them into one pile, mixing up the packs - only making sure that I have a shake for breakfast. It's not hard and fast, if I fancy a different flavour, I'll have it, obviously. I can just swap a bar in when I fancy that instead (unlikely I'll get them often I think; I can imagine I'll wolf them down quicker than a drink/soup).
Tomorrow I am meeting my boyfriend's sister. She knows I'm doing this and we are going to be out and not eating. We will pop round her house so that "he" can pick me up, and I'm taking a shake and a soup with me and have whichever one is more convenient (hopefully the soup, as I've more of them!).
Monday 3 October 2005
First Meeting and First Day!
Yesterday, Saturday, was the day I'd been waiting for - the first meeting.
I was a little early and saw this overweight girl hovvering about around the corner. We looked at each other and seemed to know we were going to the same place! There's a bench outside the counsellor's house, so I sat there and chatted to another new person (we're all new; the way it works is that we all start and stay together from the beginning for at least 14 weeks with no-one new joining). When the earlier meeting came out, she recognised a couple of them from the initial meeting she'd attended a few months before.
Both of them were really happy, finding it easy going and had lost over 35lb each (in 8 weeks!). That filled us both with hope; hearing it from the horse's mouth rather than as part of a sales pitch.
Once in and settled we each took our turn to be weighed privately. I was 20st and either .9 of a lb or 9lb - I'm thinking the latter, and that is shocking. I always said if I hit 20st (that's 280lb) then..... :o/. But I'm doing something about it now, NOW, so I will not dwell. It's not going to get any worse, thank God for that.
Most of the women seem really nice; I only really got talking to a few of them (there's 11 of us). I'm looking forward to sharing our journeys, and I am sure some of them will piss me off before too long (and vice versa!).
We then watched a video very similar to the one they showed at the, "initial meeting". I hadn't sat in a position to be able to see it, so I made sure this time I did! After that the counsellor talked us through stuff we kind of knew and then some finer details of what we could expect in the first week or so. The first four days are going to be hell basically, whilst we detox and get used to a brand new way of fuelling our bodies. Apart from the food packs, we are allowed pepper and tabasco. That's it. We will need to get through 4 litres of water a day (I've almost done 3 since noon and it's now 10 hours later!), and she promises that this will become easier after a few days, when ketosis sets in, and our bodies will be, "asking for it". We're allowed black tea or coffee, as long as it's only flavoured with sweetener in tablet form, not spooned. We are okay with painkillers and tablets as long as they are not coloured or have a shiny coating on. Nurofen Liquid Tablets are fine, thank goodness!
We were then shown the foodpack list. Soups, shakes and bars, a bit like Slimfast. A lot like Slimfast in fact. We had to pick a week's meals from that; I just got two of everything. They recommend you don't have the bars until the fourth day, so I'll stick to that.
Then we tried a couple of little exercises (not physical ones!), where we understood more about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and we talked about our reasons for doing this. We then picked up our carrier bags with the foodpacks, paid our £46.50 and after arranging a "pop-in" during the week (we have to do that for the first 3 weeks) that was that.
I offered a lift to the station (it's a 20 minute bus ride away) and agreed to pick them up at the station next Saturday. I don't mind, I would have appreciated it if it were me.
By then I was starving so I went to Pizza Express for what was essentially my last food meal. I've made my peace and said goodbye to all my favourite foods these last two weeks. It's been easier to do that than I thought. It's not forever, just until I am healthy and fit enough to enjoy them again. Rather than wolf down as much of it as I could, I decided instead just to enjoy every morsel. So, for my last real meal I had olives and garlic bread with cheese, some new pizza they do which is essentially a big garlic bread with mozzerella salad on top. I had a diet coke, an Americano (espresso with water) and a slice of delicious cheesecake.
We did a gig last night and I had some of the buffet - not loads and loads but some cheese, pate and a couple of mini sausages. I said goodbye to Krispy Kreme, with sour cream, original glazed and chocolate cake donuts and a double chocolate ice-blend with coffee. I didn't finish it.
I was going to have something when we got back, but I was too tired and didn't know what to have, so I just went to bed. One thing I haven't done is just eat for the sake of eating. I tried that on Friday with a massive ice cream dessert meant for sharing. I ate about four spoonfuls and couldn't eat any more. These are good signs!
DAY 1/300
I didn't want to have breakfast until I was hungry, and after getting up at 1015am that meant around 1130am. I had a chocolate shake, blended with ice in the liquidizer. It's exactly like Slimfast. I used a straw to drink it, but didn't guzzle. I knew I had to stretch it out!
I spent the day at my brother's house and took a thai chicken chili soup with me, and a 2l bottle of water. Despite the fact that they had a roast I was fine. His 3 daughters (all aged 8 and under) kept me busy enough to take my mind of it. The youngest was having a "tea party", so I pretended to enjoy the plastic foods and invisible drink. It helped....!
I was only really distracted by the odd food advert and time of day really. Although I kept getting hunger pangs (I am STARVING right now!). The sort of pang where normally I'd get up and get a slice of bread or something. I have to just learn to ignore that. It will go apparently after no more than about a week (a week?!). I guess it's a habit/craving that will go. I had my soup when they had dinner. Again, very Slimfast-y. I wasn't sure I'd like it, but it was fine, and I added plenty of pepper. My sister-in-law was very helpful in reminding me to drink and kept refilling my glass. I left at about 8pm, after having my last sip from that bottle. I've just literallly finished another pint and going for another! I didn't need the toilet until about 6.45pm and since then I've been 5 times!
The hunger pangs come and go. I'm desperately hungry enough to give in for a few minutes, then nothing. It's a bit of a see-saw. Next week we can pay a bit more to get flavourings for the water, which I'll try but I'm not too bothered about. Fortunately I can still have my nice french coffee espressos/Americanos, so I'll probably use that to break up the boredom. I don't have milk with coffee anyway, so there's no change there!
End of day one. Phew! Only about 299 to go!
I was a little early and saw this overweight girl hovvering about around the corner. We looked at each other and seemed to know we were going to the same place! There's a bench outside the counsellor's house, so I sat there and chatted to another new person (we're all new; the way it works is that we all start and stay together from the beginning for at least 14 weeks with no-one new joining). When the earlier meeting came out, she recognised a couple of them from the initial meeting she'd attended a few months before.
Both of them were really happy, finding it easy going and had lost over 35lb each (in 8 weeks!). That filled us both with hope; hearing it from the horse's mouth rather than as part of a sales pitch.
Once in and settled we each took our turn to be weighed privately. I was 20st and either .9 of a lb or 9lb - I'm thinking the latter, and that is shocking. I always said if I hit 20st (that's 280lb) then..... :o/. But I'm doing something about it now, NOW, so I will not dwell. It's not going to get any worse, thank God for that.
Most of the women seem really nice; I only really got talking to a few of them (there's 11 of us). I'm looking forward to sharing our journeys, and I am sure some of them will piss me off before too long (and vice versa!).
We then watched a video very similar to the one they showed at the, "initial meeting". I hadn't sat in a position to be able to see it, so I made sure this time I did! After that the counsellor talked us through stuff we kind of knew and then some finer details of what we could expect in the first week or so. The first four days are going to be hell basically, whilst we detox and get used to a brand new way of fuelling our bodies. Apart from the food packs, we are allowed pepper and tabasco. That's it. We will need to get through 4 litres of water a day (I've almost done 3 since noon and it's now 10 hours later!), and she promises that this will become easier after a few days, when ketosis sets in, and our bodies will be, "asking for it". We're allowed black tea or coffee, as long as it's only flavoured with sweetener in tablet form, not spooned. We are okay with painkillers and tablets as long as they are not coloured or have a shiny coating on. Nurofen Liquid Tablets are fine, thank goodness!
We were then shown the foodpack list. Soups, shakes and bars, a bit like Slimfast. A lot like Slimfast in fact. We had to pick a week's meals from that; I just got two of everything. They recommend you don't have the bars until the fourth day, so I'll stick to that.
Then we tried a couple of little exercises (not physical ones!), where we understood more about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and we talked about our reasons for doing this. We then picked up our carrier bags with the foodpacks, paid our £46.50 and after arranging a "pop-in" during the week (we have to do that for the first 3 weeks) that was that.
I offered a lift to the station (it's a 20 minute bus ride away) and agreed to pick them up at the station next Saturday. I don't mind, I would have appreciated it if it were me.
By then I was starving so I went to Pizza Express for what was essentially my last food meal. I've made my peace and said goodbye to all my favourite foods these last two weeks. It's been easier to do that than I thought. It's not forever, just until I am healthy and fit enough to enjoy them again. Rather than wolf down as much of it as I could, I decided instead just to enjoy every morsel. So, for my last real meal I had olives and garlic bread with cheese, some new pizza they do which is essentially a big garlic bread with mozzerella salad on top. I had a diet coke, an Americano (espresso with water) and a slice of delicious cheesecake.
We did a gig last night and I had some of the buffet - not loads and loads but some cheese, pate and a couple of mini sausages. I said goodbye to Krispy Kreme, with sour cream, original glazed and chocolate cake donuts and a double chocolate ice-blend with coffee. I didn't finish it.
I was going to have something when we got back, but I was too tired and didn't know what to have, so I just went to bed. One thing I haven't done is just eat for the sake of eating. I tried that on Friday with a massive ice cream dessert meant for sharing. I ate about four spoonfuls and couldn't eat any more. These are good signs!
DAY 1/300
I didn't want to have breakfast until I was hungry, and after getting up at 1015am that meant around 1130am. I had a chocolate shake, blended with ice in the liquidizer. It's exactly like Slimfast. I used a straw to drink it, but didn't guzzle. I knew I had to stretch it out!
I spent the day at my brother's house and took a thai chicken chili soup with me, and a 2l bottle of water. Despite the fact that they had a roast I was fine. His 3 daughters (all aged 8 and under) kept me busy enough to take my mind of it. The youngest was having a "tea party", so I pretended to enjoy the plastic foods and invisible drink. It helped....!
I was only really distracted by the odd food advert and time of day really. Although I kept getting hunger pangs (I am STARVING right now!). The sort of pang where normally I'd get up and get a slice of bread or something. I have to just learn to ignore that. It will go apparently after no more than about a week (a week?!). I guess it's a habit/craving that will go. I had my soup when they had dinner. Again, very Slimfast-y. I wasn't sure I'd like it, but it was fine, and I added plenty of pepper. My sister-in-law was very helpful in reminding me to drink and kept refilling my glass. I left at about 8pm, after having my last sip from that bottle. I've just literallly finished another pint and going for another! I didn't need the toilet until about 6.45pm and since then I've been 5 times!
The hunger pangs come and go. I'm desperately hungry enough to give in for a few minutes, then nothing. It's a bit of a see-saw. Next week we can pay a bit more to get flavourings for the water, which I'll try but I'm not too bothered about. Fortunately I can still have my nice french coffee espressos/Americanos, so I'll probably use that to break up the boredom. I don't have milk with coffee anyway, so there's no change there!
End of day one. Phew! Only about 299 to go!
Friday 30 September 2005
T Minus Two Days
I went to see my GP today to get him to sign the "consent" form that LL want before I can begin the programme. It's a bit short notice for me but my LL counseller said that as long as I give her a photocopy tomorrow (as well as posting the original), we should be okay.
Since the initial meeting a couple of weeks ago I have been mentally preparing myself for this. I am aware that it is going to be a difficult change, especially for the first couple of weeks. I haven't gone mad eating food but every time I eat something I particularly like, I kind of say goodbye to it, at least for the next year, maybe forever. I am ready and raring to go.
I went to the GP today as when I went a couple of weeks or so ago, he told me that my BP was a bit on the high side - 145 over 100. Although people tell me it wasn't particularly high it is obviously enough to concern anyone. Already convinced by Lighter Life, this sealed the deal.
I was expecting the BP to come down when I went back today, but, no, it's actually gone up to 149/106, which was a bit of a shock. He has given me a subscription for Alenolol, which I am dubious about, as I'm never keen on taking tablets. Then the speech came about weight loss... I just don't know where to begin moaning about that! This GP is new to the surgery and he's an idiot. He doesn't even look at you when he speaks to you, doesn't listen and mumbles when he talks. Obviously he's not used to intelligent women...
I interrupted him and gave him the LL leaflet (for GPs) and asked him to tick the boxes on the form (to say that I don't have heart trouble, no transference of medical responsibility) and explained to him what the diet was about, that I had researched it on the net and spoken to the company and counsellors but he was having none of it. He flatly refused and said that he couldn't recommend it.
I am having a bit of a PMS day, so mood swings are abound - I didn't realise it then. I managed to convince him to fill in the form but then he wouldn't give it to me unless I gave him £20. Of course he still didn't believe in it, he just figured he'd make £20. Arsehole.
I just told him that I am out of work and cannot afford it - all he had to do apart from sign was to tick a couple of boxes, questions that he needed to ask me anyway, and take my BP, which he'd just done. He was trying to get me to take some Xenicol, and I refused. I had asked for it before from another GP who was not keen on letting me have it, and once with prescription in hand had a little look around the net and was stunned by the side effects. It's simply not worth it, it would make me afraid to eat anything. My mind is already fucked with food without encouraging me to be afraid to eat it!
I wanted to act more upset than I was (although I was very disappointed) but the tears came and, embarrassed, I ran out of his office, ignoring him call after me. What was the point?
The receptionists stopped me andI told them what had happened. They were so nice and they said they'd speak to the main GP and see if she'd let me have it cheaper. I thanked them and left.
It turns out that after seeing the next person he went out to reception and told them I could have it for free and that he hadn't intended to upset me. I'm miserable for the rest of the day really, but that is a huge relief and I can finally start this thing.
First meeting is tomorrow, so I will update afterwards....
Since the initial meeting a couple of weeks ago I have been mentally preparing myself for this. I am aware that it is going to be a difficult change, especially for the first couple of weeks. I haven't gone mad eating food but every time I eat something I particularly like, I kind of say goodbye to it, at least for the next year, maybe forever. I am ready and raring to go.
I went to the GP today as when I went a couple of weeks or so ago, he told me that my BP was a bit on the high side - 145 over 100. Although people tell me it wasn't particularly high it is obviously enough to concern anyone. Already convinced by Lighter Life, this sealed the deal.
I was expecting the BP to come down when I went back today, but, no, it's actually gone up to 149/106, which was a bit of a shock. He has given me a subscription for Alenolol, which I am dubious about, as I'm never keen on taking tablets. Then the speech came about weight loss... I just don't know where to begin moaning about that! This GP is new to the surgery and he's an idiot. He doesn't even look at you when he speaks to you, doesn't listen and mumbles when he talks. Obviously he's not used to intelligent women...
I interrupted him and gave him the LL leaflet (for GPs) and asked him to tick the boxes on the form (to say that I don't have heart trouble, no transference of medical responsibility) and explained to him what the diet was about, that I had researched it on the net and spoken to the company and counsellors but he was having none of it. He flatly refused and said that he couldn't recommend it.
I am having a bit of a PMS day, so mood swings are abound - I didn't realise it then. I managed to convince him to fill in the form but then he wouldn't give it to me unless I gave him £20. Of course he still didn't believe in it, he just figured he'd make £20. Arsehole.
I just told him that I am out of work and cannot afford it - all he had to do apart from sign was to tick a couple of boxes, questions that he needed to ask me anyway, and take my BP, which he'd just done. He was trying to get me to take some Xenicol, and I refused. I had asked for it before from another GP who was not keen on letting me have it, and once with prescription in hand had a little look around the net and was stunned by the side effects. It's simply not worth it, it would make me afraid to eat anything. My mind is already fucked with food without encouraging me to be afraid to eat it!
I wanted to act more upset than I was (although I was very disappointed) but the tears came and, embarrassed, I ran out of his office, ignoring him call after me. What was the point?
The receptionists stopped me andI told them what had happened. They were so nice and they said they'd speak to the main GP and see if she'd let me have it cheaper. I thanked them and left.
It turns out that after seeing the next person he went out to reception and told them I could have it for free and that he hadn't intended to upset me. I'm miserable for the rest of the day really, but that is a huge relief and I can finally start this thing.
First meeting is tomorrow, so I will update afterwards....
Sunday 25 September 2005
T Minus Seven Days
Okay.
This blog will be..... my journey to losing 150lbs. That's a lot of weight. That's a whole person really. A whole overweight person.
I've done just about every diet the last half of my life (I'm 36 now). You name it. Been there, done that. I could pass a degree in nutrition.
But as I've said. I'm 36, the little beginning signs of wear are beginning to set in. The aching knees, the short breath, the slightly high blood pressure.
I graduated the University of Weightloss in that I recognise that DIETS DO NOT WORK. A healthy lifestyle does.
However, the diet I will be embarking on in 7 days time - Sunday 2 October 2005 has to be the one that works. It's a drastic diet. It's one with shakes and bars and soups. I know I have an eating disorder. I know what foods are good and which are bad for me. I just need good solid action now. ABSTINENCE.
I'm cynical by nature, so I've researched this diet, "Lighter Life" as much as I can. I've seen nobody slag it off or not be successful - except those who did not stick at it. Well, I will learn by their mistakes then.
I know this will be hard, particularly in the beginning, but I want to share it with anyone interested. If no-one's interested, that's fine, then it's a personal record for me. Something to keep me going when the times are difficult, and something to make me feel buoyant when things are going well.
I will be back to update after my first class on Saturday 1 October 2005. The 2 hour meetings are supposed to focus on why we have eating problems and how we, as individuals will deal with that, and to find and provide a support system for fellow members. A bit more about this next week....
This week I am clearing out the food that I won't be eating, the challenge being to leave stuff for my other half, who is not overweight (much). I'm saying goodbye to Krispy Kreme, lazy days, Ben and Jerry's, creme cheese, chocolate mousse by having a final fling with them all.
This blog will be..... my journey to losing 150lbs. That's a lot of weight. That's a whole person really. A whole overweight person.
I've done just about every diet the last half of my life (I'm 36 now). You name it. Been there, done that. I could pass a degree in nutrition.
But as I've said. I'm 36, the little beginning signs of wear are beginning to set in. The aching knees, the short breath, the slightly high blood pressure.
I graduated the University of Weightloss in that I recognise that DIETS DO NOT WORK. A healthy lifestyle does.
However, the diet I will be embarking on in 7 days time - Sunday 2 October 2005 has to be the one that works. It's a drastic diet. It's one with shakes and bars and soups. I know I have an eating disorder. I know what foods are good and which are bad for me. I just need good solid action now. ABSTINENCE.
I'm cynical by nature, so I've researched this diet, "Lighter Life" as much as I can. I've seen nobody slag it off or not be successful - except those who did not stick at it. Well, I will learn by their mistakes then.
I know this will be hard, particularly in the beginning, but I want to share it with anyone interested. If no-one's interested, that's fine, then it's a personal record for me. Something to keep me going when the times are difficult, and something to make me feel buoyant when things are going well.
I will be back to update after my first class on Saturday 1 October 2005. The 2 hour meetings are supposed to focus on why we have eating problems and how we, as individuals will deal with that, and to find and provide a support system for fellow members. A bit more about this next week....
This week I am clearing out the food that I won't be eating, the challenge being to leave stuff for my other half, who is not overweight (much). I'm saying goodbye to Krispy Kreme, lazy days, Ben and Jerry's, creme cheese, chocolate mousse by having a final fling with them all.
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